Between work, errands, running a household, hitting the gym and trying to squeeze in a social life, it can be tough to find the time to go out and meet anyone in the modern world. No thanks to apps like Tinder with it’s infamous unsolicited dick pics reputation and sites like Ashley Madison that promote cheating, it’s no wonder why women cringe at the thought of online dating. Although online dating can be overwhelming and exhausting for women, it can still be a good place to meet nice guys if you’re willing to weed out the junk. There are definitely good guys out there and going into it with the right expectations can definitely increase your luck for finding the right person. At the end of the day, most of us are looking for someone who we can get serious and settle down with eventually. If you’re thinking about going online to find that special someone, make sure you go forth armed with these 7 helpful tips to make your experience a bit more fun and successful.
“There are definitely good guys out there and going into it with the right expectations can definitely increase your luck for finding the right person.”
1.Choose the right platform. If you want to meet guys who are serious, you may want to avoid sites and apps that are free. Although there are some good people on free sites, I find that people tend to be more serious about things they have to pay for so this is a good place to start. It’s not 100% fool proof as there will always be guys online who still aren’t serious, even if they are paying. I’ve found that these guys usually have or have had multiple accounts on different dating platforms and they jump around because they’ve exhausted their options elsewhere, you guessed it – playing around. One way to spot them is to watch out for guys who have pictures of them with other women on their profiles. Men who are serious about attracting a woman to get serious about won’t be flaunting how much of a chick magnet he thinks he is. In fact, this is a tell tale sign of a player. Players who are playing will never get serious. Have higher expectations for yourself and for who you’re looking for. It’s really that simple.
2. Pick off any “Mystery Men” early on.
Avoid getting into conversations with guys who seem shady, even if they are saying all the right things to pique your curiosity to try and reel you in for their own selfish reasons. These men usually don’t have any profile pictures which usually means they are hiding something other than their looks. Sometimes they will have pictures of their bodies but their faces are cut out of all the shots. They try to seduce you and make you feel special by promising to send you more “exclusive” pictures of themselves in private. It could be fun for a minute but this is not the type of man who’s seriously looking for a good mate. In a world where instant gratification is so easy to get, these guys are most likely going online to get attention, to feel good about themselves – maybe he just had a fight with his wife or girlfriend (but of course, he’s not going to TELL you that). Perhaps he’s unhappy in his relationship and although he has no intention to break up with his partner, he would rather sneak around online making promises to others that he can’t keep. Perhaps he JUST got out of a relationship and doesn’t want to be found out by his ex that he’s out there dating already. All of these things smell of drama (and not the fun kind). I’m guessing if you really want to be serious, this is not the guy for you. It’s not like he’s even available, so let him be someone else’s problem.
3. Know what you’re going for. Be picky about the right things that really matter to you. If you want to meet a non-smoker, don’t entertain guys who are smokers. If you want to meet someone who likes to go out on weekends and do activities, don’t go with the guy who says he’s a home body. If you like to have a couple drinks here and there, you’re probably not going to match well with someone who never drinks. If you’re an adventurer and love to travel, a guy who says he’s afraid of flying isn’t going to magically get on a plane because he’s dating you. I’m not saying to not give certain guys a chance if they’re not exactly what you want – in fact, you should be chatting with the guys who make you feel good even if they don’t 100% fit the bill of who you’re looking for. What i’m saying is to stop lowering your standards for guys who have deal breaker qualities while hoping that they will change into what you’re looking for. Get honest with yourself and what you’re really looking for in a guy (personality and interests) and say no to the ones who don’t measure up.
4. No plans, no potential. Don’t waste your time with keyboard warriors. These are the guys who love texting (sometimes calling too) trying to know every little thing about you but who only talk about making plans with you. They never end up following through to anchor down said plans with definitive dates, times or locations. This is an indicator that he’s either very self conscious or has something to hide. Sometimes, this type of man will even come out later (once he think’s he’s got you hooked) and reveal that he doesn’t even live in the same city as you! Yes, its happened to me a couple of times. Ladies, this is not a romantic concept. If you’ve been chatting for two weeks and he hasn’t tried to make solid plans with you, cut it off and move on.
5. If it doesn’t feel good. Listen to your gut. If you really don’t want to go out with someone, trust that feeling and don’t go. This also applies if you’ve already made plans to go on a date and are second guessing it. If you’re not getting a good feeling about it, or if you aren’t feeling excited about it, know that it’s OK to cancel. Feeling these ways is how our bodies protect us. It’s letting us know that we might be in danger or are doing something we shouldn’t be and it’s important to listen and honour that. My favourite lines to use are “I don’t think so” and “I don’t think we are a good match”. No further explanation is required by you, although if you feel compelled to respond if he asks why, the best line is “Nothing really to explain, I just don’t feel like we are a good match. Good luck on your search,” and leave it at that. The important thing is to not play games. Once you end it, end it. If you’re allowing yourself to feel guilty and to then let that person back into your inbox, not only is it confusing, you’ll most likely be wrangled into meeting that guy and not having a good time. You didn’t really want to meet up to begin with, remember? Don’t do anything that you don’t want to do. You don’t owe anybody anything.
6. Watch out for potential abusers. These are the guy who criticize you for being your authentic self, make you feel guilty, purposefully cross the line with things they say or just don’t make you feel good about yourself. Sometimes, they will even try to guilt you into going out them. These are all huge red flags! It’s easy to pick out the early signs of an abuser, narcissist, psychopath or sociopath if you’re being honest with yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be manipulated. Men who act these ways should be eliminated from your dating pool immediately and blocked (even if they say they are sorry).
7. Date around and feel good about doing it. Finally, don’t bank on one guy until you find someone who you really like and who treats you right. It’s ok to be talking to a couple of guys at a time and to go out on several dates. You shouldn’t even have to lie about it either if he asks. If he’s not working very hard to win you over in the first place then why would he expect you not to keep your options open? When you go out with someone new, make sure to always tell a friend where you’re going and check in with them after to let them know you’re safe. Use your discretion about meeting places or if he offers to pick you up.
Not all guys are bad. I’ve had great luck with meeting good guys online, even if none of them have turned out to be “the one”. The trick is to establish a good screening process, listen to your gut and to allow yourself to have some fun too. Be open to the possibilities. Whether you meet someone online or in person, in essence, loving yourself and being your authentic self is the key to finding a good mate. If someone doesn’t like or accept you for loving yourself or being authentic, they aren’t the right person for you. Know that you deserve the best and you are worthy of having the right and perfect partner for you in your life.
xox
Colleen
